I am so thankful for Sabrina, who reached out to share her perspective of parenting as a Mommy who has yet to become a Mommy.
~~~~~
You’ve just finished reading her favorite book 4 times to her and she finally fell asleep in your arms. You look at that beautiful face and see her daddy’s adorable nose and your cherry red lips. You can’t help yourself but to stick your nose on that little neck and breathe in her scent. You love her so much it makes you clench your teeth tightly together. Quietly you get up, place her in her crib and sneak out of the room, glancing back at the miracle you created. Maybe every night doesn’t go that smoothly, but even those nights where you find yourself going insane trying to get them to go to sleep, after fights with taking a bath or brushing their teeth, you can’t help but love your little one so unconditionally.
If you met me, you might wonder how I know how all of this feels because… I don’t have children.
My answer to you would be… I am a mother.
I can’t describe to you how I know this, but deep inside I know I am. My husband and I waited to have children until we were fully ready and capable {financially, emotionally, mature}. We had it all planned out with getting off birth control, allowing it time to leave my system. I gave up caffeine and any foods/liquids that may affect my body when trying to have a baby. No laptop on the lap, hot baths, read the first chapter of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Everything would be great, right? Well, I never got my period. Yea, I felt like the only woman who wanted it. I went to the doctor after 5 months and he had to put me on a prescription to get it. Period finally came, then the countdown began for that good old ovulation miracle… Nothing! Took home ovulation tests for the next two rounds of drug induced periods… once again… Nothing! To make a long story short I have tried multiple different fertility drugs and I didn’t ovulate {I am becoming a pin cushion for blood tests}.
At one point I hit rock bottom. I’m healthy and active, why would this be happening? I yearn for a child more than I ever thought I would. Internally I just know I would be a great mom and my husband will be a great dad {he already is to our fur baby}. Sometimes some moments are easier than others. Yoga has really helped me focus and find peace. I need that because other moments are harder than others:
Example 1: At a group meeting for a program I volunteer for {Girls On The Run – where the mission is “to educate and prepare girls for a lifetime of self-respect and healthy living”} a few of the ladies I was sitting with asked what grade my daughter was in, when I responded with the fact that I don’t have children they got a little flustered and not even sure of how I heard of the program {just trying to give back to the community}.
Example 2: My husband was at work recently and when asked what he did over the weekend he had told them he went with me to see the Disney movie Brave. A coworker responded with: “Why did you go see that, you don’t have kids?” {I had no idea you needed kids to enjoy a good movie}!
Example 3: Simply sitting in the OBGYN office – you’ve never seen more parent magazines and pregnant women until you can’t have a baby … oh and Ikea! Ikea breeds pregnant women!
Example 4: I hate to use this word because some of these have been said by people I love, but some ANNOYING things said to us are:
· Lose weight
· Gain weight
· Relax
· We’re struggling too {and they already have children – I know, so hypocritical of me}
· Just get IVF {does anyone really know what that entails?}
· You don’t understand, you don’t have kids
While these examples may not seem overly offensive, they just get to you when you want a child so bad. When you live your life like you have children, hoping to better prepare yourself and your partner for the magic a child can bring to your life. It’s all worth it: the increase of intake of hormones and the switching of which hormones to take, the acne {all over your body}, quick weight gains and losses, emotional craziness, hunger, laziness, hyperness – everything that comes from what it takes to have this child I know I already love so intensely.
The next time you think that someone has it easier or that they don’t understand because they don’t have children… think again. It’s a lonely world when you’re infertile, especially in the blogging world where the strengths of many bloggers seem to stem from being a mommy. It’s a silent disease that makes you feel as if you are missing a piece of yourself. If you’re going through this, know you’re not alone!
Need a good laugh, this one helps too: www.999reasonstolaugh.com
~~~~~
For more in the Parenting Perspectives series, click here.
