Letters to a Divorced Kid: Part VII | Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Mom

April 3, 2012

Letters to a Divorced Kid: Part VII

Dear Friend,

I trust this letter finds you well.  I believe I'm winding down on the the things I have to share with you. I hope that you've found encouragement, support and even hope from the words of our correspondences. Everyone's journey is different, but if there is anything you've taken away, I hope it is "Don't give up."  Keep going. Keep processing. Keep talking. 

Keep healing.

I'm not sure where you stand with the divorce of your parents.  Whether you are currently in the midst of the process, or if it has been years (decades?) since they separated.  It took me a long time to come to terms with this last piece of wisdom I'd like to leave you with.  I don't say it lightly.

Even though it’s hard for me to say this, it’s true: Sometimes, even though it stinks when it first happens, you realize it is just better when two people are not together any more. I am not an advocate of divorce. But when I look at my parents, I know that if they’d stayed together, life would have been far worse and unhappy for everyone involved. 

And you know what? I would have been a totally different person.  I’ve become who I am because of what I’ve been through - and I really like who I’ve become.  I’ve tried to learn from their mistakes: to live a better life, to work toward a better marriage. For myself. For my kids.  Even though it tore my heart out when my parents got divorced, even though I am still dealing with the repercussions today, I can honestly say that it was for the best.  But I have only been able to look at it that way in the past few years. It took time. A lot of time.

All that to say, friend: I am sorry.  I am sorry you have to face this, to deal with this. I’m not sure how you are feeling about it all.  Maybe you are totally ok with it all. If so, that is ok.  Maybe you are really struggling with it.  That is ok too. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. There are people who understand what you are going through.  

I know we don’t know each other all that well, but if you ever need someone to talk to, to ask questions or just unload on, feel free to email me.  My heart goes out to kids who are dealing with the same lot I dealt with so many years ago. And hear me say: you'll come out of this.  You won't just survive it. You'll overcome. And your journey will encourage others.

I'm here for you, if you ever need it.



There will be more Divorce Memoirs in the future, and possibly more letters too.  I'd love your feedback on the series. I also hope you'll share your stories.  Because you never know who might find hope and encouragement because of you.  To read all the Divorce Letters and Divorce Memoirs, you can find them here.

Thanks for reading...


  1. I've been meaning to tell you that I shared your posts with my kid and they helped her in a way that I totally wasn't able/couldn't and thank you for sharing.

  2. During my parents separation/divorce, my mother shared with me more than she should. The summer following my dad's departure, my mother told me my father wanted to move back "home". She wanted to know my thoughts. Armed with all the dirty details she'd already shared with me, I told her if he moved back, I would move out. "He doesn't love you Mom, he just wants his old life back because the new one isn't as fun as he thought it would be." I didn't want the old life back knowing he didn't love her and while divorce is painful, being witness to a loveless marriage day-in and day-out is far worse.


Hey! Share a thought or two - I'd love to hear from you! ~ Steph

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...