In Which I Succomb to the Utmost Hypocrisy | Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Mom

March 25, 2010

In Which I Succomb to the Utmost Hypocrisy

Pronunciation: \kən-ˈfe-shəna statement of what is confessed: as a : a written or oral acknowledgment of guilt by a party accused of an offense

Keeping with the initial theme of this blog, I come to you today with a confession. It seems only right to share it here, with you.

I never meant for this to happen, really. I resisted, easily, for so long. I was the naysayer above all naysayers. I judged others, I rolled my eyes, I bore hatred in my heart. I promised myself (and the rest of the world) that I would never get caught up in such rubbish. And then, inexplicably, it dug it's complicated claws into me, pulling me in, and I now know I will never be the same.

And to this end, I will forever be an awful, awful hypocrite.

You see, my friends, only 2 nights ago, I finally succumbed to an inevitable fate:

Hi. My name is Steph. And I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with the Twilight Saga.

I really do not know how it happened. I vaguely remember it's birth into the world several years ago, watching the clip of a talk show in which the author, Stephanie Meyer, was promoting her book. About vampires.


Does it get any more ridiculous than that?

I scoffed. And yet, the phenomenon caught on. Slowly, those around me (loved ones, for heavens sake), were caught up, tearing through the books with a sickening voracity. I couldn't understand it. My girl friends became like goo, melting and blubbering over a fictional character named Edward. What the what? I was embarrassed for them. And it made my anger grow.

It's about vampires, how good could it be?

Good enough to become a major motion picture, apparently. And then two motions pictures. And soon there will be more. The popularity that surrounded Twilight astounded me. And out of sheer rebellion, I began to boycott it. (Note: this has happened only one other time in my life. In second grade, a small boy band named New Kids on The Block became a plague and the bane of my existence. Every one of my grade school friends had the New Kids cassette tapes. Went to their concerts. Pledged their love and their firstborn children to NKOTB. Even then, I could not understand the obsession. So, although it meant I had to side with boys, I vowed to never love Jordan. Or Jonathan. Or Joey, Donnie or Danny f0r that matter. To this day, I stand by my word).

Not being able to understand my seemingly illogical loathing of Twilight, my friends (particularly Jen and Linzee. And I might throw Amanda in there as well) began to plead with me. They sent me articles. They verbally debated me. Just read it, they implored! You'll fall in love! You're life will never be the same! They had read every word of every book. They saw the movies. They dreamed of Edward. Jen even swore to me that if I read all four installments of the Twilight Saga, she would sign up for Facebook (I know. Jen is not on Facebook. I don't understand it. But that's another issue all together). Linzee even made me take the first book of the saga home with me.

Come to think of it, it was probably a conspiracy.

But I was not affected. I had every reason to stay away from this disease. You might be thinking that I had some moral aversion to the stories, that somehow the subject of vampires might be inappropriate. Surprisingly, this had nothing to do with my stance. I find nothing religiously or morally wrong with the topic (to which, I understand, some of you out there might find sacrilegious. We can talk about that another day). It's fiction. I did, though, have a problem with it being lame. And stupid. And sappy. And about high school kids. And vampires. And generally too hip.

As I shot back every defense I had, a small voice began whispering deep within me. Over time, weeks and months of time, it became louder. And when the book was finally forced into my possession, staring boldly at me from my desk, day after day, I could no longer ignore what was being told to me.

You are afraid.

What? I responded to the voice.

You are afraid, the voice shot back. You are afraid of relating to it. And loving it. And becoming so enraptured with it, that your life will never be the same.

I gasped. The voice was absolutely right. I was afraid. Afraid of falling in love with another story. So here I am to confess: I become far too involved with fictional stories.

Even as I type it, I fight with my hands to not delete the words. But I have to share this with you. Because I know there are people like me out there. People who have daringly creative imaginations and overly active emotions. As far back as I can remember, I loved reading. As a somewhat unpopular and nonathletic child, I spent much of my youth reading. Nancy Drew. Boxcar Children. The Babysitters Club. And as far back as I can remember, I struggled to separate the fictional world and reality. Was there a part of me that believed Dawn, Kristy, Maryanne and Claudia really existed? That if I traveled up to Connecticut, I could truly join the infamous Babysitters Club? Was it possible that I could, in fact, solve mysteries with Nancy Drew? Where did my mind and heart draw the line?

I fell into the same spell with Lord of the Rings. I did not pick up this tome until I was in college. Yet, even as a well-educated and rational adult, I tore through the pages with speed, not daring to believe that Frodo, after being separated from Samwise Gamgee, could be dead. I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, revelling in the romance between Aragorn and Arwen. I wanted to fight with a sword, to carry the burden of the ring. And when the time came to close the book for a short time (you know, to eat. Sleep. Pee), I had to fight to escape the fog that hindered my full exposure to reality.

It scared me.

Every Harry Potter book hemmed me in as well. I boycotted the hype of these books initially as well. Until one day, several years after the first was published, my sister came home having just finished the first book. She placed it in the bathroom for safe keeping (or was it safe reading?). One day, during a particularly long visit to the loo, I picked it up.
I'll only read the first page, I promised myself. What else do I have to do in here anyway? 50 pages, and an unintentional half an hour later, I was hooked. I ripped through every book, finally catching up to the present publications. I became apart of the crowd who impatiently waited two or three years between each book release (although I did not fall in with the crowd who took it to the next level: those who dressed up and pretended to go to Hogwarts and made wands and stuff. I did draw the line somewhere. If you are one of those people, though: more power to you. I am in no place to judge). My heart almost broke as I read the final page of the series, conflicted. On one hand, I finally had the Harry Potter story in its entirety. But on the other, the dream was over. At the reading of the last word, Hogwarts vanished. Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermoine were gone. And the part of me that kept alive the ember of possibility that it all could exist, however ridiculous and unrealistic, died.

As the cover of Twilight taunted me, I weighed heavily if I could put myself through it all again. I'd successfully stayed away from books, unwilling to give my heart to another piece of fiction. Unwilling to allow a mere chunk of literature to tamper with my life and mess with my mind. And yet, there it sat. Begging me to read.

So, this past Tuesday, at approximately 11pm, I tentatively picked up the book. Hubby was ready to go to sleep, but I was restless. Just one page, I thought naievly. Once I read how cheesy it is, I'll be done with it for good. And at 2am on Wednesday morning, when I was more than halfway finished the book, I knew it was too late.

I was all in.

What I thought would be a childish romance novel is actually filled with amazing story development (slow, patient, descriptive) and character depth. I love the connections and how the characters relate. And I love, love, love Edward.

Sexy, beautiful, fictional Edward.

Wednesday, I woke up, anxious for the time I could put Little Chica down for her afternoon nap. My eyes were weary, but in that 3 hour time span, I finished the book. Upon closing the cover, I realized I had no other option but to go out and buy the second book so I could start it that night.

So I bought it. And in an impossibly short amount of time (ending at 2:45am), I finished New Moon in the early hours of Thursday morning. In just over 24 hours, I had read half of the Twilight Saga. I woke up today, tired. I need rest tonight (don't people start to go crazy from lack of sleep?), so I delayed getting the third book. That and Linzee could not meet up with me so I could borrow her copy until tomorrow.

But tomorrow, the adventure starts again.

And I think I like it.

So there you have it. The confession of an Anti-Twilight Zealot turned Twilight Fan. Where there was once hatred and disgust, there is now affection and camaraderie. I never thought I'd be here, in this place of pure hypocrisy.
Some of you know me, many of you do not. And I can only say that this level of Girly Girlness does not usually have a place in my life. I'm not a freak. I am rational. Logical. Grounded in reality.
But here I am.

Don't judge.

Where do you stand? Foe or friend of Twilight? I would love to hear your thoughts, so leave a comment!

A Special Note to Jen: I hope you are ready to initiate your very own Facebook page. 2 down. Only 2 to go.

A Special Note to Stephanie Meyer: I am sorry I doubted your writing. For whatever it is worth, you rock.


  1. I can't believe that you finally gave in- but I couldn't be happier. And I am ready to sign up for stupid facebook. Although, I only said I woud sign up, I didn't say that I would use it for whatever the "h" you are supposed to use it for (stalking people from high school). I would also just like to point out that you get the better end of this "agreement". Twilight changes lives for the better- Facebook makes you remember people you want to forget...I'm just saying

    love ya- and Edward.


  2. SO funny - I didn't know there was anyone left who hadn't read Twilight! ;)
    Seriously, I got the obsession a few years ago and have reread the whole series twice and each time I was sucked in to the point that I was having vampire dreams!
    I would say that the next step is reading the online draft of Midnight Sun, basically Twilight from Edward's perspective. So incredible. So sad b/c Stephenie Meyers didn't finish it after it got leaked by a friend. But definitely don't miss out on it - I think I would like it more than Twilight if it was ever made into a book!

  3. Hello....duh! I have been telling you to read this series for FOREVER. And you laughed at me. Whose laughing now? HAHAHAHA. I dont know about you, but I am team Edward all the way. Wait to you hit Breaking Dawn. You will be sad there is not another book. *sigh* I am hoping Midnight Sun will become a novel, but who knows if she will finish it.

    She has another book "The Host" which is really good as well.

    I still live in a fantasy that I wish Twilight was real. How depressing is that? Sometimes I wish i was a Cullen Vampire. Darn.

  4. YEAH! I made your blog, I am so popular now.... I love it that you have fallen in love as well. It has been really hard for me to break up wtih Edward and the Twilight series, I'm still hanging on. You said it best though when you get trapped in a story it almost makes you not want to read anymore, you don't want it to end. What is it about us that holds on so tightly to fiction and when it's gone it hurts? I hate it that we need an escape from reality that badly, but what an escape Twilight has been!

    Enjoy the 3rd was my favorite!

  5. I have not read any of them, and I honestly have no desire to. That sounds silly, maybe. It is not loathing or disgust for me - it is lack of interest. That being said, glad you are enjoying them and hope you are able to get some sleep soon. :)

  6. I was totally like you when it comes to Twilight, but kind of for a different reason. To me, the only "real" vampires are the ones from the pages of Ann Rice. I mean her vampires make sense, they only come out at night and they don't go to high school. Last night, after seeing one of the millions of commercials for the DVD, I decided that once I get my iPad Twilight would be the first book I read. So, no judgment here.

    BTW, I totally got into Harry Potter. I laughed, I cried, I got angry. At the end I was left wanting more. I became addicted, I read the whole series in under 6 weeks, which for me is some kind of land speed record.

  7. My friend made me read them, too, but alas, I feel that Edward, Bella, and Jacob are dull compared to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I will admit, I did tear through the saga, I won't lie. When I finished it (actually, I never really did finish Breaking Dawn), I didn't feel sadness as I did for leaving Harry. I guess the best word to describe my feelings for the Twilight Saga would be... indifference (don't hate me).

  8. the blog - it's very entertaining! Hope you all are doing well. I related so much to this post - except my hypocrisy was least yours is a cheaper give in! Take care!

  9. Ha ha ha ha....this made me laugh out loud several times. I picked up Twilight not very long after it came out because someone had mentioned it was good. I started flipping through it in a Barnes and Noble not even knowing it was a "vampire story" (or I never would've read it). Love, love, love the books now. =)
    P.S. I too was a Babysitters club addict. And Harry Potter. And Nancy Drew.

  10. Okay your story is exactly like mine!!! Only I didn't even know the books even existed till the movie came out so I bought the book with a gift card thinking sure then I tore into them all and finished them within 5 days only took that long because I have a 2 and 3 year old that need me LOL! Also totally the same with your problem with the babysitters club, harry potter and lord of the rings, and nancy is a sickness that i can not fight the only encouraging thing is that I am a fast reader so at least I can finish most books within a few hours and so my life isn't completely taken over.

    I found your blog through my good friend Jhenna she was totally right your blog is great : )

  11. Oh yes! You and I ARE cut from the same cloth. I was an avowed hater who now is a lover. Ahhhh, the simple pleasures in life. Like Twinkies for your brain.


Hey! Share a thought or two - I'd love to hear from you! ~ Steph

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...