Hypothetically Speaking... | Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Mom

June 6, 2011

Hypothetically Speaking...

While there are many awesome perks to being a stay-at-home Mom (that I promise to discuss in another post), there are also numerous downsides. I'd like to share about one of those downsides in a hypothetical short story.

One hypothetically bright and sunny morning, a hypothetical stay-at-home Mom wakes up with the task of having to go to a hypothetical birthday party where she is hypothetically bringing a salad for the guests. On this hypothetical morning, she has packed the kids (a task unto itself), gathered all necessary belongings and is ready to head out the door...

...Until she goes to look for her keys and realizes she hypothetically cannot find them. She may or may not be one of those people who hypothetically loses or misplaces her keys on a regular basis (the hypothetical record stands at leaving the keys in the car 3 times in one week, and twice having the police break into the car to retrieve them) and has yet to learn from these hypothetical experiences to make several copies of her car key for times such as these. The ready-to-go-kids are antsy and the salad is wilting and she is getting anxious because she's hypothetically been in the house a few days in a row and she very unhypothetically NEEDS THIS OUTING.

In a panic, she begins calling people. It does not take long for her to realize, in all of her stay-at-homeness, that every one of the hypothetical people (including her husband, mother and mother-in-law) who could or would be able to help her in this hypothetical situation are at their very real jobs doing very real things and are unable to take her call.

Stay-at-Home Realization 1: Other people work.

Stay-at-Home Realization 2: You do not.

Stay-at-Home Realization 3: Other people do not have the freedom to take phone calls, however hypothetically important they may be, just because you cannot hypothetically find your keys.

Stay-at-Home Realization 4: If you cannot come up with a hypothetical Plan B, you will be stuck home for another day and you will miss an awesome hypothetical birthday party. And hypothetical guests will be quite irked that there is no salad.


Just moments before she has a hypothetical breakdown over the hypothetical lost keys, she remembers, in one quick moment of greatness, that her husband keeps a valet key up in the bedroom. And while it may not be exactly what she is looking for, it gets her out of this house and to that hypothetical birthday party.

And that, friends, is one of the downsides to being a stay-at-home mom.



  1. We have a thing to hang our keys from inside the door. If they're always in the same palace there's not losing them in real life or just hypothetically. This mom gig really is harder than I thought it was.

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